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The Jumble of Emotions that Comes with Learning Your Autistic

Brittany Luckham
4 min readMar 22, 2024

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Girl sitting on the edge of a dock looking out at the water.
Photo by Keenan Constance

At First

It was February 2021 when my family and I sat down and they told me they suspected I had Autism. I experienced a whirlwind of emotions that evening and the days after.

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At first I was sad, hurt even, because I recalled all the experiences I’d been deemed “rude” or “insensitive,” and made to feel like there was something wrong with me. These words more often than not came from the closest people in my life: my family. The very same people sitting around me that night.

After some heartfelt apologies and putting the past behind us, the sadness quickly became excitement. I wanted to start researching right that minute, I wanted to dive in and learn everything I could (how Autistic of me).

Doubt and (Un)Certainty

My family warned not to research too much and come to conclusions that might not be accurate. At the time I heeded this warning. I would wait the three months before my appointments with a psychologist before really digging in. It might not be Autism. We might be wrong.

I think part of me knew we weren’t, even then. The minute I looked into the diagnostic criteria and how many diagnosed Autistic’s interpreted that…

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Brittany Luckham
Brittany Luckham

Written by Brittany Luckham

Brittany, owner of NOTOLUX, writes about books, Autism, and life in general. https://www.notolux.ca/about/links

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